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Inspirational Quotes!
"There will always
be dreams grander or humbler than your own, but there will never be a dream exactly like your own...for you are unique and
more wondrous than you know!"
"A lie can travel halfway around the
world while the truth is still putting on its shoes." -- Samuel Clemens
Some people come into our lives and
quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints in our hearts, and
we are never, ever the same.
A truly happy person is one who can
enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Happiness comes through doors you didn't know you left
open.
There are only two ways to live your
life. One is as though
nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a
miracle. ~ Albert Einstein
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling
in love. ~ Albert Einstein
Make yourself necessary to someone.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what
you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin
it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Two
roads diverged in a wood; and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
~ Robert Frost
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech,
in life, in love, in faith and in purity. I Timothy 4:12
When
I was born, I was black. When I grow up, I'm black. When I'm ill, When I die, I'm black. But you - When you're born,
you're pink. When you grow up, you're white. When you're ill, you're green. When you go out in the sun, you go red. When you're
cold, you go blue. When you die, you're purple. And you have the nerve to call me Colored? ~ Malcolm X
Wanting
to be someone else is a waste of the person you are. ~ Kurt Cobain
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Funny Quotes!
Life's tough, get a helmet ~ Eric Matthews.
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly
not attend yours. -- H.L. Mencken
Some
mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Here's
a little tip from an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls; worst way to wake up. The phone rings; it's loud; you can't
even turn it down. I leave the number of the room next to me, and then it rings and you hear a guy yell, "What are you calling
me for?" Then you get up and take a shower. It's great. ~ Garry Shandling
I
don't like the idea that people can call you in your car. I think there's news that you shouldn't get at sixty miles an hour.
"Pregnant? WOOA!" But if you're going to have car phones I think we should have car answering machines. "Tom's at home right
now. But as soon as he goes out, he'll get back to you." ~ Tom Parks
My parents live in the Central time zone.
I talk to my father once a week, but he still doesn't understand time zones. "Well, it's 8 o'clock here, so what is it, 6 o'clock there, huh, huh? It's summer here, so
what is it, winter there? It's the Industrial Revolution here, so is it the Paleolithic era there? --
Hugh Fink
I ask people why the have deer heads on their walls. They say "Because it's such a beautiful animal."
There you go! I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her. -- Ellen DeGeneres
Where do clichés come from?
My grandfather says "You just tell a couple of jokes, and you're riding the gravy train." What is a gravy train? I didn't know they were actually hauling gravy by rail. People gather around
big mounds of mashed potatoes waiting for the 5:15 gravy to show up? -- Rich Hall
Quick Wit: A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's
how it works: if you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you. -- Jay Leno
We're a trillion dollars in debt. Who do we owe this money to? Someone named Vinnie?
-- Robin Williams
Student: Sir, I have a complaint. I don't believe I deserve a zero on this exam. Professor: Neither do
I, but it's the lowest grade I can give.
The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty
impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon
there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. "Come on buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back
off. I've got the toe clippers right here." -- Jerry Seinfeld
It was tragic. They arrested an Amish man and put him in jail. Think about it. It's terrible. It's
worse than me and you. Take him down there. Give him that one phone call. Who the hell is he going to call? None of his friends
have telephones. -- Mario Joyner
Seventy-five percent of your body heat is lost through
the top of your head. Which sounds like you could go skiing naked if you got a good hat. -- Jerry Seinfeld
Mitchell Hedberg Quotes
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Random Quotes!
Birthdays are good
for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Three can keep a secret if two are dead.
~ Benjamin Franklin
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost. The
old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached
by the frost. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien
The Road goes ever on and on Down from the door where it began. Now far ahead the
Road has gone, and I must follow, if I can. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien
Most
people think that your floor is a way to transport yourself from one room to another, but in reality it's the biggest shelf
you have in your house ~ Louis from Even Stevens
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